envy

noun, a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

I have recently been told that a friend has taken his own life. I do not know any of the circumstances surrounding this very sad event. I wasn't close to him but have known him for about 7 years and we've always enjoyed a very friendly relationship.

Needless to say, I used to be very envious of this person and his life, not necessarily knowing too much about it. He is [was] very attractive and sexy as hell as is his husband. They both seemed to live a very comfortable lifestyle in luxury homes and neighborhoods. They even once invited me out to their Fire Island summer house just when I first met my RoboPapi. They seemed to have it all and I was envious of their life.

Not that my life isn't great. I am with the man of my dreams who I wouldn't give up for anything, I live a comfortable lifestyle in a wonderful home with an amazing dog-like cat. I have wonderful friends who I love and I have a great relationship with my family. I have rewarding and fun hobbies and work that satisfies my interests and needs. What more could anyone want? I guess we always see things in others that we wish we had. Such is life.

So ultimately I needn't be envious of another couple. Sadly we never really know what is going on in other's lives unless we're very close perhaps. I am truly stunned by this sad news I received and my mind races pondeirng what has happened to this person I envied and how fragile anyone of us can be. My heart goes out to his surviving husband. And at the same time I look at myself and my life and am grateful for what I have, maybe more so than ever before.